How I redefined what "professional" means to me, broke free of limiting beliefs, and started showing up more authentically

When I moved to Calgary over 10 years ago, I took a cab to work for the first week to make sure I was on time. I wasn’t used to relying on public transit and I wanted to make a good impression.

The taxi driver made polite conversation, asking me what kind of job I was headed to. “I’m an accountant”, I proudly replied.

“Oh no, no, no”, I protested. “My heels are in my bag! I’ll put them on when I get there.”

The taxi driver nodded again, but seemed a little disappointed.

Table of Contents

• What does “professional” mean?

• What I thought "professional" meant

  • Clothing

  • Hair, Makeup & Nails

  • Emotions

  • Mental Health

  • Competence vs Confidence

• What “professional” means to me today

• What does “professional” mean to you?

What does “professional” mean?

Merriam-Webster says one way to define professional is “exhibiting a courteous, conscientious, and generally businesslike manner in the workplace.”

I’m sure the answer varies between industries, geographies and cultures.

But what does it mean to you? And where did your answer come from? Whose voice do you hear when you tell yourself “that’s not professional!”

I’ve been working in corporate environments for almost 20 years, but it was only a few years ago that I realized I was carrying the weight of other people’s opinions of what it meant to be “professional”.

I had let myself get boxed in by people from my past that I didn’t even like or respect. Thankfully, a few pivotal moments and a global pandemic helped me gain some perspective.

What I thought “professional” meant and how that’s evolved

Clothing

I used to think that “professional” meant suits and heels. I spent thousands of dollars on uncomfortable suits that never looked right and shoes I couldn’t walk in. As a plus-sized woman, it was very difficult to find anything remotely stylish or comfortable.

When I started working from home in 2020, I was so much happier in pajama bottoms and fuzzy socks. I had no idea how much my uncomfortable clothes were bothering me throughout the day until I didn’t have to deal with them anymore. I swapped suit jackets for cardigans and sweaters from Ricki’s and developed a personal style that feels more like me. I still have a few suit jackets for meeting new people, but that’s not too frequent. And I never wear heels anymore (heck, I got married in Keds!)

Hair, Makeup & Nails

I used to think that “professional” meant I had to have my hair, makeup and nails done.  A male boss thought he should tell me that. I’ll agree that wet or messy hair doesn’t instill confidence, but this is a slippery slope that can inappropriately criticize curly or textured hair.

I’ve struggled with my hair forever, and in my 30s it started to significantly thin. During the pandemic, I downloaded TikTok and started seeing videos of wigs that looked like a lot of fun. I discovered that wearing wigs gives me a huge boost of confidence! Nothing like a full head of hair with some curl to make me feel put together. I keep a tube of lipstick and mascara at my desk for Zoom meetings and I’m good to go. I still bite my nails so I’ve given up on manicures.

Emotions

I used to think that “professional” meant showing very little emotion at work. I bottled up as much as I could during the week and then unloaded on my family and friends on the weekend.

After a particularly difficult involuntary termination, my boss called to check on me. I cried a little and admitted that it was a tough one. I was criticized and they tried to make me feel weak. I held the phone away from my head for a few seconds - are they for real right now? Firing someone is supposed to be hard, and I’m proud that I’m human because I did my best to treat the other person like a human being too. I finally realized what my therapist had been trying to tell me for years - my emotions were a strength.

Mental Health

I used to think that “professional” meant never talking about mental health. I had to take a mental health leave of absence once and I was so ashamed I just quit so I wouldn’t have to go back and face anyone I worked with.

Last year I published a video talking about some of my mental health struggles and now I write about how to prevent burnout. The response I get from other professionals going through something similar means so much to me.

Competence vs Confidence

I still think that “professional” means competent, but I used to think I had to demonstrate my competence by overwhelming the other person with my technical knowledge and showing all my work. I wrote long emails and lengthy reports, thoroughly documenting and justifying every recommendation, but too often folks would miss important elements I was trying to communicate.

I started writing shorter emails but felt nervous about not justifying everything. I’m still refining my writing style but I’ve made significant progress with a “bottom line up front approach” that conveys more confidence.

What “professional” means to me today

As someone who works in operations from the comfort of their home, here’s what “professional” means to me today:

• I want to look like I put a little effort into my appearance.

• I want to project confidence and demonstrate competence.

• I want to show up as my authentic self as much as possible.

• I want to show respect for the other person.

None of these points are 100% all the time, and they fluctuate based on context.

What does “professional” mean to you?

The key takeaway isn’t my specific definition of “professional”, it’s that I created my own parameters and so can you.